Telling your partner that you want both of you to cut down on technology use requires sensitivity, honesty, and a clear focus on the benefits for your relationship. Start by choosing a calm, private moment when you both can talk without distractions. Express your feelings using “I” statements, such as “I feel like we spend a lot of time on our phones and it sometimes takes away from our time together.” This approach avoids blaming and opens the door for a constructive conversation.
Explain why reducing tech use matters to you and how it could improve your connection. You might say, “I want us to have more meaningful conversations and enjoy each other’s company without interruptions from screens.” Emphasize that your goal is to strengthen your relationship, not to criticize their habits.
Suggest practical steps you can take together to cut down on technology. For example, propose tech-free times like during meals, an hour before bed, or tech-free mornings. You could also suggest locking phones away for certain periods or having tech-free zones in your home. Mention ideas like taking digital fasts—days when you both avoid devices entirely—to reconnect more deeply. These habits have been shown to improve focus, sleep, and real connection between partners.
Invite your partner to share their thoughts and feelings about technology use. Listen actively and be open to their perspective. They might have reasons for their tech habits that you hadn’t considered. Together, you can find a balance that respects both your needs.
If your partner is open, consider setting shared goals or challenges, such as limiting screen time to a certain number of hours per day or using apps that monitor and restrict usage. This can make the process feel like a team effort rather than a demand.
Be patient and understanding. Changing habits around technology can be difficult because devices are deeply integrated into daily life for work, socializing, and entertainment. Encourage each other and celebrate small successes to maintain motivation.
If you notice that technology use is linked to stress, anxiety, or avoidance of difficult emotions, gently suggest exploring healthier coping strategies together. Sometimes, professional support like therapy can help individuals or couples manage compulsive tech use and improve communication skills.
Remember to model the behavior you want to see. If you want your partner to cut down on tech, show your commitment by reducing your own screen time and being fully present when you are together. This sets a positive example and reinforces your shared goal.
By approaching the conversation with empathy, clarity, and practical solutions, you can help both of you create healthier boundaries with technology that enhance your relationship and deepen your connection.
