# How to Talk About Changing Your Relationship with Screens
Having a conversation about screen time and digital habits with your partner, family, or friends can feel awkward or confrontational. Many people worry that bringing up the topic will seem judgmental or create tension. However, these conversations are increasingly important because screens have become such a central part of our daily lives. The good news is that with the right approach, you can discuss this sensitive topic in a way that brings people closer together rather than pushing them apart.
## Understanding Why This Conversation Matters
Before you start talking about screens, it helps to understand why this conversation is worth having in the first place. Smartphones and digital devices have fundamentally changed how we interact with each other. When people spend excessive time on their phones, it creates a phenomenon called “phubbing,” which is when someone ignores the person they are with in favor of their phone. This behavior leaves partners feeling ignored and undervalued, even when the two people are physically in the same room.[1]
The impact goes deeper than just feeling hurt in the moment. Excessive screen use can strain every relationship because it prevents the kind of meaningful face-to-face interaction that builds strong connections.[1] When couples sit together in a restaurant but engage with their smartphones instead of each other, they miss opportunities to truly connect. Over time, this pattern can create distance and loneliness, even within relationships that should feel close and supportive.
Beyond romantic relationships, screen addiction affects family bonds and friendships too. When you are constantly checking your phone during conversations, you lose track of what others are saying. Friends and family members often notice this behavior and may feel hurt or unimportant. They might express concern about how much time you spend on your device, but these concerns often go unheard because the person with the addiction does not recognize the problem.
## Recognizing the Signs That a Conversation Is Needed
Sometimes it is hard to know if you actually need to have this conversation. Here are some clear signs that it might be time to talk about screen habits with someone you care about.
If you find yourself or someone close to you constantly reaching for a phone during meals, family time, or social gatherings, that is a sign. When people cannot go more than a few minutes without checking their device, or when they feel anxious if they do not have their phone nearby, these are warning signs of problematic phone use.
Another indicator is when screen time starts replacing real-world activities and relationships. If someone is spending hours online but neglecting hobbies, exercise, or time with loved ones, the balance has shifted too far toward digital life.[2] Similarly, if virtual relationships through social media, dating apps, or online gaming have become more important than real-life friendships and family connections, that is worth addressing.
Pay attention to how screens affect sleep and attention. If someone is using their phone right before bed and experiencing sleep problems, or if they cannot concentrate at work or school because they are constantly distracted by notifications, these are physical and mental health signs that screen habits need to change.[3]
You might also notice emotional changes. Research has found a correlation between high social media usage and depression and anxiety, particularly in teenagers.[2] If someone seems more withdrawn, lonely, or sad after spending time on their phone, that is worth discussing.
## Preparing Yourself Before the Conversation
Having this conversation will go much better if you prepare yourself first. Start by getting clear on your own motivations. Are you bringing this up because you genuinely care about the other person’s wellbeing, or are you frustrated and wanting to blame them? The conversation will be more productive if your motivation comes from a place of care rather than judgment.
Think about specific examples of how screen use has affected your relationship or the other person’s life. Rather than making general statements like “you are always on your phone,” be ready to describe particular moments or patterns you have noticed. For example, you might say “I have noticed that during our dinner conversations, you check your phone several times, and I feel like we do not really connect during those moments.” Specific examples are much easier to discuss than vague accusations.
Consider what you want the outcome of the conversation to be. Are you hoping to reduce screen time together? Do you want to establish phone-free times or spaces? Are you concerned about someone’s mental health or sleep? Having a clear goal in mind will help you stay focused during the conversation.
Also think about the best time and place to have this discussion. Do not bring it up when someone is actively using their phone or when they are stressed or tired. Choose a calm moment when you both have time to talk without distractions. This might mean putting your own phones away and finding a quiet space where you can give each other full attention.
## Starting the Conversation With Empathy
The way you begin this conversation sets the tone for everything that follows. Starting with empathy and understanding is much more effective than starting with criticism or blame.
Begin by acknowledging that screens are genuinely useful and that digital technology has real benefits. Smartphones help us stay connected to people we care about, access information instantly, and manage our daily lives. Online relationships can be meaningful, and social media can help us feel part of communities. By acknowledging these positives first, you show that you are not anti-technology or trying to take something away from the other person.
Next, express your concern in terms of how you feel rather than how the other person is failing. Instead of saying “You are addicted to your phone,” try saying “I have been feeling disconnected from you lately, and I think our screen use might be part of that.” This approach is less likely to put someone on the defensive.[4]
You might also share your own struggles with screens. Most people today struggle with phone use to some degree. By admitting that you also find it hard to put your phone down, you create a sense of shared experience rather than positioning yourself as superior or judgmental. You might say something like “I have been thinking about how much time I spend on my phone too, and I think it is affecting our relationship. I would like to talk about how we can both make some changes.”
## Explaining the Real Impacts of Excessive Screen Use
Once you have opened the conversation with empathy, you can help the other person understand why this matters. Many people do not realize how much their screen habits are affecting them and their relationships. Providing information can help them see the bigger picture.
Explain how constant connectivity and notifications trigger dopamine release in the brain, which turns phone use into a reward-based habit.[3] This is not a character flaw or a sign of weakness. It is how our brains are designed to respond to rewards. Understanding this can help someone see their phone use as a behavioral pattern rather than a personal failure.
Talk about how excessive screen time affects sleep quality. Using screens before bed can disrupt the sleep cycle, which then affects mood, energy, and ability to handle stress the next day.[3] Poor sleep creates a cycle where people feel worse and then turn to
