Talking to your partner about replacing screens with real experiences is not just about asking them to put down their phone or turn off the TV. It is about starting a conversation that can help both of you feel closer, more connected, and more present in your relationship. Many couples today find that their time together is often filled with screens – phones, tablets, laptops, televisions, and even smartwatches. These devices can make life easier, but they can also quietly take away the moments that matter most. When you spend most of your time looking at a screen, it is easy to forget what it feels like to look into your partner’s eyes, hold their hand, or simply sit together in comfortable silence. If you want to bring more real experiences into your relationship, the first step is learning how to talk about it in a way that feels safe, respectful, and encouraging.
Start by choosing the right time and place to have this conversation. Do not bring it up when one of you is stressed, tired, or in the middle of using a device. Wait for a calm moment, maybe after a meal or during a walk, when both of you are relaxed and not distracted. You could say something like, I have been thinking about how much time we spend on our phones and computers lately, and I wonder if we could talk about ways to spend more time together without screens. This way, you are not blaming or accusing, but simply sharing your thoughts and inviting your partner to join the conversation.
It is important to listen to your partner’s feelings and opinions. They might feel defensive at first, especially if they use screens as a way to relax or escape from stress. Let them know that you are not trying to take away their favorite activities, but that you want to find a balance where both of you can enjoy real experiences together. Ask them how they feel about screen time and whether they have noticed any changes in your relationship. Maybe they have also been feeling distant or distracted. When you both share your thoughts openly, it becomes easier to understand each other and work together.
One way to make the conversation more positive is to focus on the benefits of spending less time on screens. You could talk about how real experiences can make your relationship stronger, help you feel more connected, and create memories that last longer than anything you see online. Remind each other that spending time together without devices does not mean you have to do something big or exciting. It could be as simple as cooking a meal together, going for a walk, playing a board game, or just sitting on the couch and talking. The goal is to be present with each other, not to entertain yourselves with technology.
If your partner is worried about missing out on important messages or feeling bored without screens, suggest small changes that do not feel overwhelming. For example, you could agree to have a device-free hour every evening, or set aside one day a week for screen-free activities. You could also create a special place in your home where screens are not allowed, like the dining table or the bedroom. These small steps can help both of you get used to spending more time together without relying on devices.
Another helpful approach is to plan activities that you both enjoy. Think about things you used to do together before screens took over, or try something new that does not involve technology. Maybe you could take a dance class, go hiking, visit a museum, or have a picnic in the park. When you plan fun experiences together, it becomes easier to look forward to spending time without screens. You might even discover new hobbies or interests that bring you closer as a couple.
It is also important to be patient and kind with each other as you make these changes. Breaking old habits takes time, and there will be days when one or both of you slip back into old routines. Instead of getting frustrated, remind each other why you started this journey and celebrate the small victories. If you manage to have a screen-free dinner or spend an afternoon together without checking your phones, take a moment to appreciate it. These moments add up and can make a big difference in your relationship.
If you find it hard to talk about screen time or if the conversation feels stuck, consider asking for help from a couples therapist. Sometimes, a neutral person can help you both express your feelings and find solutions that work for your relationship. Therapy is not just for serious problems – it can also be a safe space to talk about everyday challenges and learn new ways to connect with each other.
As you continue to talk about replacing screens with real experiences, keep the conversation going. Check in with each other regularly to see how things are going and whether you need to make any adjustments. Ask each other what you enjoy most about spending time together without screens and what you would like to try next. When you keep the dialogue open, it becomes easier to stay connected and support each other in making positive changes.
Remember that this is not about perfection. There will be days when screens are necessary, and that is okay. The goal is to create more opportunities for real connection and to make your relationship a priority. When you both feel heard, respected, and supported, it becomes easier to let go of the things that keep you apart and focus on the things that bring you together.
