How to Talk to Your Partner About Cutting Back on Netflix Time
Having a conversation with your partner about reducing screen time can feel awkward or confrontational, but it doesn’t have to be. Many couples find themselves spending more time watching shows than connecting with each other, and addressing this issue directly and compassionately can actually strengthen your relationship. The key is approaching the conversation with honesty, empathy, and a genuine desire to find solutions that work for both of you.
Understanding Why This Conversation Matters
Before you even bring up the topic, take a moment to understand why you want to have this discussion. Are you feeling disconnected from your partner? Do you miss spending quality time together? Are you concerned about how much time is being spent on Netflix instead of other activities? Are you worried about sleep schedules being disrupted? Understanding your own motivations will help you communicate more clearly and authentically when the time comes.
The reason this matters is that Netflix and other streaming services are designed to keep us engaged. They use algorithms to recommend shows, they have cliffhangers that make us want to watch just one more episode, and they make it incredibly easy to binge entire seasons in a single sitting. When both partners are caught in this cycle, it can create a situation where you’re physically together but emotionally disconnected. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward making a positive change.
Choosing the Right Time and Place
Timing is everything when it comes to difficult conversations. You don’t want to bring this up while you’re both sitting down to watch your favorite show, and you definitely don’t want to start this conversation when either of you is tired, hungry, or stressed. Instead, choose a calm moment when you’re both relaxed and have time to talk without distractions.
The best setting is somewhere neutral where you can face each other and talk without the television or other screens nearby. This might be during a walk, over coffee at the kitchen table, or during a meal. The point is to create an environment where you can both focus on the conversation and feel heard. Avoid bringing this up in front of friends or family, as this can make your partner feel embarrassed or defensive.
Starting the Conversation with Honesty
When you’re ready to talk, begin by being honest about your feelings without blaming your partner. Instead of saying “You watch too much Netflix” or “You’re always glued to the screen,” try expressing how the situation makes you feel. You might say something like “I’ve been feeling like we don’t spend as much quality time together as we used to, and I miss that connection with you.”
This approach is much more effective because it focuses on your experience rather than attacking your partner’s behavior. People are naturally defensive when they feel criticized, but they’re more likely to listen and engage when someone shares their feelings. By framing the conversation around what you’re missing or what you’re concerned about, you’re inviting your partner to be part of the solution rather than making them feel like they’re the problem.
You can also acknowledge that you might be part of the issue. If you’re also watching a lot of Netflix, admit that. Say something like “I realize I’ve been doing this too, and I think we’ve both gotten caught up in it. I’d like us to find a better balance together.” This shows that you’re not pointing fingers but rather looking at the situation as a team.
Listening to Your Partner’s Perspective
After you’ve shared your feelings, give your partner space to respond. They might have their own reasons for watching so much Netflix. Maybe they’re stressed at work and use it as a way to decompress. Maybe they’re dealing with anxiety or depression and find comfort in familiar shows. Maybe they simply enjoy it and don’t see it as a problem. Whatever their reasons, listen without interrupting or getting defensive.
Ask questions to understand their perspective better. You might ask “What do you enjoy most about watching Netflix?” or “Do you feel like it’s affecting our relationship?” or “What would make you feel comfortable reducing our screen time?” These questions show that you care about their viewpoint and that you’re genuinely trying to understand where they’re coming from.
This is also a good time to ask if they’ve noticed the same thing you have. Sometimes partners don’t realize how much time they’re spending on screens until someone points it out. Other times, they might have been thinking about it too but didn’t know how to bring it up. You might be surprised to find that your partner has been wanting to make a change as well.
Identifying the Real Issues
As you talk, try to dig deeper into what’s really going on. Is the Netflix watching a symptom of a larger problem? For example, if your partner is watching shows until midnight every night, they might be avoiding sleep because they’re anxious about something. If they’re binge-watching entire seasons on weekends, they might be feeling bored or unfulfilled in other areas of their life.
Sometimes excessive screen time is a way of coping with stress, loneliness, or dissatisfaction. If this is the case, simply cutting back on Netflix won’t solve the underlying issue. Instead, you’ll need to address what’s really bothering your partner. This might mean helping them find other ways to manage stress, like exercise or meditation. It might mean planning more activities together so they don’t feel bored or lonely. It might mean having deeper conversations about what’s missing in their life.
Understanding these root causes will help you find solutions that actually work rather than just creating rules that feel restrictive and resentful.
Finding Common Ground
Once you both understand each other’s perspectives, work together to find solutions that feel fair to both of you. This is not about one person winning and the other losing. It’s about finding a compromise that allows you both to enjoy Netflix while also prioritizing your relationship and other important activities.
You might decide to set specific times when Netflix is off-limits, like during meals or the first hour after you get home from work. You might agree to watch shows together rather than separately, which turns screen time into quality time. You might decide to limit Netflix to certain days of the week or to a certain number of hours per day. You might agree to turn off screens an hour before bedtime to improve sleep quality.
The key is that these decisions should come from both of you, not be imposed by one person. When people feel like they have a say in the rules, they’re much more likely to follow them. Ask your partner what they think would work best. What feels realistic to them? What would they be willing to commit to?
Creating a Plan Together
Once you’ve agreed on some general principles, create a specific plan that you can both follow. Write it down if that helps. For example, you might write “No Netflix during dinner” or “We watch one episode together on Tuesday and Thursday nights” or “No screens after 10 PM on weeknights.”
Having a written plan makes it easier to remember what you’ve agreed to, and it also shows that you’re serious about making this change.
